Dear Mommy and Daddy,

Blythe Lipman, Baby Intructions, Baby and Toddler Instructions, advice for new parents, raising children, baby advice

I hope you are feeling better about this parent thing and my last blog helped you understand what I need. But you know, I was thinking, there are a few more things I want to say. You are doing a great job and I hope you buy “Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions” because I helped Blythe Lipman write it as I am truly the baby expert. Know why? …because I’m the baby, sillies. And I know if you have all these tips in writing it will make it much easier when you don’t know what to do with me.  So here goes…

  • If you want to powder me, please rub it on from your hand. When you sprinkle it from the bottle, it makes me cough. Sputter…sputter!
  • When you put my diaper on, please don’t forget to pull  out the elastic between my legs. When it pinches, I can’t tell you. Ouch!
  • Sometimes I get really hot — please don’t put too many clothes on me. Just cause I’m a baby doesn’t mean I get colder than you. And when I’m too hot, I cry!
  • I don’t like you to cut my nails… it’s hard to hold still. My friend’s mommy uses a nail file and she said it’s a piece of cake. Can you put me in my bouncy seat and try it? Or if I fall asleep in my swing  you might be able to do it while I’m napping. Shh!
  • If I get a “boo boo,” please don’t put a Band-aid on my finger. You know I’ll put it in my mouth and that’s not a good thing. It’s not safe.
  • Please don’t be afraid to play with me and act silly, even if you don’t know the words to a song. I don’t know them either.
My girlfriend  Lily wanted me  to ask you to tell her mommy and daddy two things:
1. If they are going put a cute headband on her, please make sure  it’s not too tight. It gives her a headache and it hurts.
      2.  Lily knows they like to polish her nails to match her cute outfits, but please tell them not to. She loves to put her fingers in her mouth and they taste terrible. And she’s afraid it’s not safe. So please ask them to wait until she’s a little older.
So Mommy and Daddy, I hope you try these things and are not nervous anymore. And remember, just because I didn’t come with instructions doesn’t mean you don’t know what to do. If you feed me, change my diaper, play with me and love me, I’ll be happy and so will you. Thanks for being the best parents in the world…I’m really lucky!